Layers, Spirals, and the Release

Have you ever wondered how each body has its own unique nervous system—the way it reacts, feels, and heals?

Not from a research paper.
But from my own body.

Everyone has a different type of nervous system.

Some people are regulated.
They feel stress, but they return to a calm without much effort.

Some are reactive.
Stuck in survival mode, jumping at things no one else even notices.

Some are highly sensitive.
Tuned into every sound, shift, and signal.

And then there are those of us who are both.

Highly sensitive and trauma aware.
Reactive and learning to regulate.

But for some of us,
We are a constellation.
A superpower in process.

We are:
Reactive.
Highly Sensitive.
Trauma from our past.

We feel:
Deeply.
Loudly.
Some, and maybe all at once.

It is not:
Just sensitivity.
Just Reactivity.
Just Trauma-Awareness.

It is All of it:
Awake.
Alive.
And still healing.

I don’t know if there is a name for it.
But I am going to name it The Awaken System.

Whether you are on your healing journey,
Or whether you are just beginning,
I see you.
I will be here for you.
I understand you.

I had a whole angle in mind when I started writing this.
It was going to be about how each nervous system is different and how cannabis reacted with each type of nervous system.

Regulated.
Reactive. Or + trauma aware.
Highly Sensitive. Or + trauma aware.

While I was in the deep spiral of how everything works,
I noticed that I do not fit in any textbook.
I do not fit in just one circle or one square.

That is when I started noticing.
I mean—I have known I am not just one thing.
I have layers.

I learned that when I was learning about how my body reacts to certain things.
Illnesses from which healing takes longer.
Bruises or cuts take longer to feel better.

But knowing that,
and seeing that firsthand with the nervous system.
That is magical.

Seeing and feeling my body react to the releases.
It is beautiful.
It is brilliance—in full color.

So here I am.
I am going to change my whole idea, and I am going to:

Embrace my weirdness.
Embrace my truths.
Embrace my layers.

Before my healing journey,
I noticed things that I didn’t know how to explain.
I didn’t know if it was normal.

Honestly,
I don’t know if I have ever trusted
my voice.
my thoughts.
and my body's reaction to anything.

Is that because I have been trauma aware for so long?
Is it because I have been betrayed by people who are supposed to love and care for me?
Is it because when I have spoken truth,
the people I am talking to or about said I was wrong,
even though I know my memory serves me correct?

Whatever the case may be,
I don’t have to name it.
It lives there whether I want it to or not.

I have stayed silent even when I knew things were wrong.
I stayed silent when I knew my self-worth was more.
I got really good at hiding my feelings.
My emotions. My voice. My… everything.

I have always been good at keeping everything in.
Maybe that is why it is hard for me to show
happiness, sadness, and anger.

I have learned that you are not stuck.
That there is a way you can rewrite yourself.

It is hard.
And sometimes you get moments where you feel so defeated.

But man…
when you finally get that release you’ve been holding onto for so long—
It is amazing.

The other night when I was doing my nightly routine,
I had another huge release.
It kind of happened like the first one a little over a week ago.
But this time it was a little different.

I was thinking about my question—
what makes a lightweight and what makes a heavy user?

Not in the sense that a lightweight is someone who doesn’t smoke a lot.
I am talking about a lightweight as someone who doesn’t need as much to feel the same effect as someone who takes a normal amount.

Someone who smokes or eats gummies, or however you consume cannabis—everyday—and still your tolerance doesn’t go up.

Then there are people who need to consume more cannabis to get the same effect.
Let’s call them heavy users, in the sense that they need more than what a normal person needs to get that same shift.

Then I started thinking about how each nervous system might have a reason behind all these different reactions.

These questions sent me into a spiral.

As I was getting ready for bed, I was in the shower—
doing this, I was just—
thinking…
and thinking…
nothing was coming to mind,
but still at the same time everything came to mind.

Like my brain was trying so hard to figure out how this works.

In the middle of all this, I was doing cold, warm, hot water cycles.
I’ve learned this is the best way for me to feel grounded.

I started thinking in circles.
I knew I was onto something.
But I just had to keep going.
Keep pushing.

I was circling back to my original question:
How was my nervous system reacting to all these different things?

Then I started thinking about how I’ve been manually regulating my body—
and how I haven’t had to do that as much lately.

Maybe because our systems are always evolving,
I could rewire my nervous system to feel safe while using cannabis.
And I wondered what that would look like.

Telling myself:
It’s safe.
You are safe.
Enjoy the release.
Don’t fight it.
Everything will be okay.
You are perfect.
You are loved.

All while I was in the shower thinking all of this,
my headache that I had—not loud, just resting—was still present.
I think I had too much sun the day before.

Then, all of a sudden,
my jaw started aching.

I stepped out of the shower talking to my love,
trying to explain my thoughts.

It came out all jumbled.

The more I tried, the more my vision became:
Hot.
Blurry.
A little disoriented.

I fought through.
I pushed my thoughts and words out.

The more I continued, the easier it was to speak out loud.

Even if it was all broken.
Even if it was in pieces.

But he knows me.
He knew what I was trying to say.
And we talked about it all.

I’ve never let my weird and crazy thoughts come out loud.
But with him, it has become one of my favorite things to do.

Now that I have spoken my truths,
I still feel it in my right frontal lobe.
My jaw still feels a little achy.

Not as intense,
but I feel the cooling sensation.
I still feel the walls trying to come back up.

I know this is only temporary.

I know one day I will be free from my past.

Until then,
I’m going to ride this crazy beautiful ride.

Maybe this isn’t the piece I set out to write.

I thought this would be about cannabis—
how it interacts with different nervous systems.
How it supports mine in ways I’m still learning to name.

I wanted to explore what makes someone a “lightweight” or “heavy user”—
not by frequency,
but by how little or how much it takes to feel the shift.

Some people need only a small amount.
Others need more to reach the same effect.

And I started wondering:

Maybe our nervous systems hold the key.
Maybe sensitivity, trauma, regulation…
Maybe they shape how cannabis moves through us.

But somewhere in the spiral,
this piece became something else.

It became:
A reflection.
A reckoning.
A release.

And if you’re new to that word—
A release is when the body lets go of what it’s been holding.

Not always loudly.
Not always visibly.
But deeply.

It might come as:
As tears.
As heat.
As a sudden breath you didn’t know you were holding.

It might come when you speak something you’ve never said out loud.
When you stop fighting the truth inside you.

That’s what happened here.

Not a study.
Not a plan.
Just a moment of truth.
And the space it needed to move.

So if you are reading this—
Whether you are just beginning,
Or somewhere deep in your own spiral—
I see you.
I honor your process.
And I am so glad you are here.

From one nervous system to another,
The Embered Aura | Linda

P.S.

If this spoke to something tender in you—
if you’ve wondered about your nervous system, your reactions, your relationship to cannabis...

Let me know.

If you want me to write that piece—
the one about how each type of nervous system may shape how cannabis is felt,
how sensitivity and trauma may shift the dose,
how your healing process is already shaping the way you respond—

Say yes.

Drop a comment. Message me. Whisper it into the ether if that’s all you have strength for.

If you want me to write it,
I will.

From the body,

not the textbook.